Healthy communication is consistently cited as one of the most important elements of a successful marriage . However , the following are some of the things the average hates to hear from his wife !• We need to talk : “ This is really the king of all phrases that strikes dread in the hearts of men, ” says Dr . Jill Murray, a licensed psychotherapist and author . “ It always means that there is going to be a difficult conversation , and it’ s probably not going to go well for the man .”
• You should know how I’ m feeling : No matter how well your husband knows you , he probably can ’t guess your exact emotions . “ Humans aren ’ t natural mind readers , and guys tend to be less socially and emotionally aware than women , ” notes David Bennett , a certified counselor and relationship expert . “ So, your husband may not know what you ’ re feeling unless you tell him . ”
• Why don’ t you ever…? “ No matter what the end of this question is , it is already overflowing with negative connotations and shame before the subject is even delivered ,” notes Britanny Burr , a love and relationship expert . So, instead of saying : ‘ Why don ’t you ever take me out to dinner anymore ?’ Try: ‘ Wouldn ’ t it be fun to go for dinner sometime this week ?’
• I hate your friends : Even if you ’ re not crazy about his buddies ( or perhaps one buddy in particular ) , it’s best not to just flat out say that you hate them . “ Men ’s friendships with other men are tenuous . It ’s even harder to extend these relationships once a man is in a committed romantic one ,” explains Justin Lioi, LCSW, a men’ s mental health and relationship expert . “ There are limits, and a woman should certainly not put up with negative demeaning behaviour , but most men would feel isolated outside of their primary relationship .”
• You need a better job : Regardless of whether you think they can do better on the career - front , saying it this bluntly won ’ t get you very far. “ You need to find ways to talk to them without putting them down , ” says Stef Safran , a dating and matchmaking expert .
• You don’ t help around the house: “ This is one of the worst things you can say to your husband , says Erica Gordon , dating coach and author . “ Even if you feel as though he doesn’t do much to help around the house, he most likely does some things , and so by saying that he never does anything you ’re showcasing that you don ’ t notice when he does do things .”
• We need some space : indicates that something is very , very wrong . “ While this can often be a useful strategy in a relationship , it’ s important for both partners to understand why some time apart could be useful ,” says Alex Hedger , a cognitive behavioral therapist and Clinical Director of Dynamic You Therapy Clinics. “ Unless both fully understand the rationale and the possible benefits that could come from downtime , then it can seem like a threatening thing to hear in a relationship. ” Sometimes saying something like “ we need some space ” can be heard as “ I ’ m getting ready to end our relationship. ” If the other kind of space is challenging your relationship .
• You ’ re not listening to me : “ Instead of assuming they didn’ t hear you , you can nicely ask if they are listening , ” says Rori Sassoon , matchmaker and CEO of PlatinumPoire. Instead of starting out with an accusation , check in with them and ask them what they have going on that has them distracted .
• What are you thinking about ? “ Men usually aren ’t thinking about anything that would remotely interest woman : who ’ s going to win the Super Bowl , what was the name of that cute server at Applebee ’s 15 years ago , am I going to have sex tonight , etc . ” says Dr . Murray . Plus , asking this question can put a lot of pressure on them to come up with something acceptable quickly. “ Men usually aren ’t thinking about the ‘ right’ thing that women want them to think about : the woman , their relationship , planning her birthday dinner. So, there isn’ t going to be a correct or good - enough answer to the question and he ’ s destined to fail .”
• I hate your family . “ He may hate his family , too , but deep down , he knows that he came from them and they are a part of him — whether they are actively present in your life or not, ” Lioi says . Talk about the qualities in his family that you want to make sure the two of you don ’ t replicate , but just a blanket condemnation of people may get in the way of him working through his own feelings for the flawed parents or siblings he has .
• You better … “ Unless this is said playfully and in the bedroom , this phrase will likely not go over smoothly ,” Sassoon says . If you want him to do something , just ask nicely.
• You ’ re just like my ex. Comparing him to a past lover can be hurtful , even for guys with thick skin . “ Most times in life , comparisons are unhelpful to us psychologically, ” Hedger explains . Comparing a partner to a previous partner often causes fear and resentment . It can also prevent the partner who is making the comparison from experiencing their current relationship fully and healthily .
• Do you think she ’ s prettier than me ? See also : “ Does this dress make me look fat ?” “ No man wants to hear this , ” Sassoon says . “ He wants you to believe you are the most confident woman . If you ’ re confident in your beauty , he will be a believer too .”
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